My boyfriend.....

Attention ladies. You want to know the two quickest ways to suck?

1) be fat, ugly, and annoying.
2) mention your boyfriend.


There's a time and a place to mention to your fellow males that you are off the market, and 100% of that time  we don't want to hear about your man. Believe it or not, every single guy you met might not wanna fuck you upon first greetings.

My freshmen year/ second semester at dean we didn't even need to ask if a girl had a boyfriend. If she was cool, talked to us, and hung out with us she was most likely engaged.

Take for instances an occurrence that happened last year at one of those dean college classic Friday night dances. Naturally there was a heavy consumption of grains before heading to the dance.

Expectation levels were low, inebriation levels were high.

After walking in, me and the bros proceeded to mingle amongst the dancing crowd. There were the classic groups of girls dancing in a circle. there were the classic groups of girls who were gettin grinded on harder than a helium balloon on a fresh haircut. I made my way to the center of the floor and saw a potential dance partner. A girl who was about, I'd say, eye level with my chest. I walked over and tapped her on the shoulder, putting one hand around her waist - as if she wasn't going to dance with this stud.

"Sorrrrrryyyy. I have a boyfriend...."

(classic That Kid to the left; green band on wrist)

Oh. No sorry- I'm the one that should be sorry for wanting to dance with you because we’re at a fucking dance. But who does that? Silly me. My response to a sugar coated rejection:

"Having a boyfriend doesn't mean you can't dance"

"Ugh. Yesss it does. You might try something"

"Don't flatter yourself honey. You looked good in the dark and from far away..."

And with that I walked off. I walked away with more proof that girls with boyfriends suck. If you love each other, that's great, but don't let young love get in the way with being young and having fun. You think those classic friday night dances happen every friday? Well they don’t. And your days of getting picked out from across the dance floor are numbered so shake ya ass.

"well, that was like what my boyfriend was sayin..........."