"Tiger (Woods), don't text those girls!"

cnet - A would-be saboteur arrested today at the Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland made the bizarre claim that he was from the future. Eloi Cole, a strangely dressed young man, said that he had travelled back in time to prevent the LHC from destroying the world. The LHC successfully collided particles at record force earlier this week, a milestone Mr Cole was attempting to disrupt by stopping supplies of Mountain Dew to the experiment's vending machines. He also claimed responsibility for the infamous baguette sabotage in November last year.


Mr Cole was seized by Swiss police after CERN security guards spotted him rooting around in bins. He explained that he was looking for fuel for his 'time machine power unit', a device that resembled a kitchen blender. Police said Mr Cole, who was wearing a bow tie and rather too much tweed for his age, would not reveal his country of origin. "Countries do not exist where I am from. The discovery of the Higgs boson led to limitless power, the elimination of poverty and Kit-Kats for everyone. It is a communist chocolate hellhole and I'm here to stop it ever happening."


This isn't the first time time-travel has been blamed for mishaps at the LHC. Last year, the Japanese physicist Masao Ninomiya and Danish string-theory pioneer Holger Bech Nielsen put forward the hypothesis that the Higgs boson was so "abhorrent" that it somehow caused a ripple in time that prevented its own discovery. Professor Brian Cox, a former CERN physicist and full-time rock'n'roll TV scientist, was sympathetic to Mr Cole. "Bless him, he sounds harmless enough. At least he didn't mention bloody black holes." Mr Cole was taken to a secure mental health facility in Geneva but later disappeared from his cell. Police are baffled, but not that bothered.



Ya so after I read this whole thing and found it a little out there I saw the original post date was April 1st so naturally I said "fuuuckkkkk that shit was gonna be awesome".
 
Irreguardless I decided to post it anyway. Set aside the fact this is a completely bullshit story and just imagine seeing this Cole guy.
 
Dudes from a time when we didn't have countries but only Kit-Kat bars. Imagine how much fun we could have with this guy. Pick his brain about creating fire. He may be smart enough to time travel and shit but he's from a time when countries didn't exist. Get the fuck outta here.
 
How  long ago is that??

He could tell us more than we could ever learn about the past. About how rocks were made and how oxygen rose from the sea. It was fitting that I saw "Hot tub time machine" the other day too.
 
 

Finally a movie that exploited the shit outta the future. Shows and movies in the past (pun intended) have talked about capitalizing on their characters knowledge of the future but never follow through. So as you can imagine it was glourious to see Lougle Maps.

 

Hurley from LOST knew what was up when he started writing Star Wars.